Inspirational Awakening

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 17, 2002

My problem is that I am falling in love. My friend and I are both 23. He lives in the United States, seven hours away from where I live in Canada. Just yesterday I came back from seeing him again.

I always have such a wonderful time, but this time on the trip home I started missing him as if a part of myself was also missing. It was such a sad and empty feeling I wished I didn't have to come home.

We share romantic feelings, and when we are together, those feelings are expressed in displays of affection and acts of kindness. We hold hands and kiss, he pays for my meals and takes the day off work to drive me around.

The boundaries between friends and more than friends have blurred between us, and now as I get to know him more, I find I am becoming involved deeper and deeper.

We are both aware we care for each other, but I have not told him how intense my feelings have become. We have differences, distance and religion. Before he met me, the religious aspect ended a relationship because they were unable to agree how to raise a family.

With myself religion is not an issue. I would be okay raising children in another religion. I want to express what I feel, but I do not know how to talk to him without scaring him. I am afraid of the vulnerability which comes with this. I do not want to get hurt, but even more, I do not want to miss the opportunity to be with him.

Petula

Petula, I once loved a woman with whom I had a mostly business relationship, but I was moving away permanently. Still, I couldn't leave without telling her I loved her, and a little speech rehearsed itself in my mind, almost against my will.

When I went to see her for the last time, she was busy and asked me to step into another room and help myself to coffee. On a table was a letter telling of her love for me. That woman was Tamara. We met in an embrace and have been together ever since.

With the greatest risk comes the greatest reward. One of the most important lessons of life is learning not to let fear ruin our chances for happiness. If you share your feelings and they aren't reciprocated, you will be devastated. For a while. But you will also be closer to finding the person with whom you can share love for a lifetime.

Wayne

The Glue

I went abroad for a year and dated a man a few years my senior. The man I met is Irish, like myself.

I miss him terribly and keep telling him this on the phone, which seems to be really annoying him. I try my best not to, but I can't help myself. He recently sent a present for my birthday. He sent the receipt also, and without thinking I gave out about it.

What I said came out completely wrong. I apologized, but he stopped ringing me completely. I know pressuring wasn't helping, but I just love to hear from him. I've been a jealous person for as long as I remember.

He told me his former girlfriend was the prettiest girl in the county. He left her because she did the dirt on him, but that made me uneasy as well. Could you please help? I love him to bits and don't want to lose him.

Erin

Erin, the essence of jealousy is "it's mine." The essence of love is "it is meant to be." Your pursuit is pushing this man away. Stop chasing him. If he comes back, remember a person is not a possession. Love is the glue in a relationship. When it is gone, so is the relationship.

Tamara

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